They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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