explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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