And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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