Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
