The best revenge is premature balding
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
