Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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