He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Randomize
