Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
No more Irish car bombs ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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