Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
