I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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