Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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