I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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