Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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