I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
this will be a night to untag.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
