Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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