Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
