You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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