I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We were destined to go to rehab together
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
