I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
