Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
