Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
