That's when you crack a 10am beer
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize