I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
