Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
