I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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