Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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