I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
