vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
