he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
