i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need to calm my uterus...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
