Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
