i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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