oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
