He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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