He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
there was a trapeze. enough said
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I want her autograph on my taint
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
