ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
