I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
