So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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