I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
