Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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