Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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