y did u give ur computer a hand job?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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