i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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