i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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