Rock
Scissors
Fuck
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
