Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
