I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
