I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize