1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
