Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
