Ambien. No doubt about it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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