The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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