had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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