Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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