the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
