I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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