i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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