is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
