she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
