Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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