Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Randomize
