Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
that's an acceptable place to lick
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
