Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
