yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We're too hungover to prance.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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