I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
