If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
