Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
