I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We are two peas in an std pod
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
