I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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