that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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