I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
