I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
