My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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