Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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