Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
