5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
