So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
