batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
