Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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